at least i'm in love.

my tea has gone from hot, hot, hot to too cold.

i can't write music or poetry to save my life anymore.

i need to go take a shower and just leave my house. i've been in the same chair for... 15 hours? more?

i kinda finished. i just need to take a righteous break, and stop breaking my code. i have an hour and a half before i need to leave.


what i was alluding to with poetry is not understanding myself, not knowing if i'm happy.

i found a tasks app in the gmail labs that i am using now. i still wanted to put one here though, mainly because i enjoy formatting text.

web design
flowchart
wireframes
art direction one
art direction two

20th century art history
read from the annotated mona lisa - 
148-151
read from gardner's art through the ages - 
last 40 pages of chapter 21
chapter 22 (by week 6)

study for exam

digital photography
30 harsh light
30 soft light
6 at different settings

shutter speed experiments 

3 prints (mounted)

interactive media
animations for how to
layout for how to

in the lab at school, trying to work out 10+ hours of work in 3. oof, wish me luck.

yesterday instead of finishing my banner ad for my interactive media class, (which i have now finished, &&& on time) i headed to civic center and purchased replacements for the jeans that i had to throw away that villainy got to. but, instead of jeans i got a pencil skirt, a dress, a plain gray tee, and two pairs of leggings. i am thinking about not wearing pants much anymore.

i'll post pictures when i get home, maybe?

20th century art history
print reader

read from the annotated mona lisa -
68-84
96-108
91
112-125
130-135
136-139
142-144
145

read from gardner's art through the ages -
chapter 21 (by week 2)
chapter 22 (by week 6)


digital photography
30 harsh light
30 soft light
6 at different settings

40 texture/shape/line/pattern
shutter speed experiments 

interactive media
academy of sciences web banner revised and completed

web design
flowchart
wireframes
art direction one
art direction two
mood board

power of myth and symbol
study guide
read lecture three

i'm waiting so i can bring my bike on bart, that is all.

you're friends aren't my friends.

Placeholder for being African American post the results of this election, and realizing the greatness of one's heritage.

i have been so depressed lately. i don't think it's fair to richard to have to deal with me this way, but unfortunately him moving here didn't just erase everything else that is wrong. i thought it would.

i'm failing my motion graphics class. i have a b+ in my interactive media class. i have a b+ in my silkscreen class. i don't know what i'm getting in my digital design class.

i haven't been motivated, i'm scared of failing, and more so, i'm scared of rejection so i don't "do." i realize that if i don't "do," then i fail automatically, and just "do" something to get it "done." then... these half-assed attempts are simply not enough to get the grades that i want. NO SHIT

i am such a gloryhound, i have these hopes and dreams of grandeur and success with the drive of... well me. i'm so lazy when it comes to wha ti really should be doing that i kind of disgust myself.

it's to the point where i'm crying myself to sleep, well now i'm sneaking them in when i'm sure no one is around. but, i still do it everyday.

i broke edge. so many people think it's sooo great, and want to get "wasted," "smashed," "plastered," "fucked up," etc with me. i haven't gotten a lot of questions as to why. really, i just don't know how to deal with the emotional bullshit that life has been dealing me. my mom is going through her third divorce. she and her latest have been married for just over a year. hearing my mother, who is honestly the most emotionally curt person alive, cry and break down in thinking that love is a complete fallacy is horrific. a mother, who is supposed to be that support, just caving. fuck.

one of my bestfriends is suicidal and i wake up every morning to new text messages of his latest despair. i'm 3000 miles away, and i get the cries for help. i really do. i just can't help. i don't know how. which makes me feel even more terrible.

i thought that if i broke i could take the escapist approach. i could just make myself happy with pills and liquids. i can't stand the taste, and i'm not too keen on my heart feeling like it's going to explode.

i'm really not happy with who i am right now.

a sunny 58 degrees in oakland today.

i don't think i'm going to wear pants until the very last minute of going out.

VIVA LA UNDERWEAR!

i am going to fail.

I'm completely done with being embarrassed of my work. HOLY FUCK.

I am currently trying to make a, get this, fifteen second motion graphic piece for the Rock the Vote campaign for school. I have written my copy:

Politics is about more than just mud slinging. It's about using your hard earned voice for change. Use it or lose it. Rock the vote!

Fifteen seconds! I haven't even been able to compile even a simple storyboard, I think I am currently letting a lot of things get to me that I usually wouldn't. Or would, I'm not sure if I know anymore. For instance, this mouse that I am attempting to use in this class is by far the most annoying thing ever created. It's a slightly older style Apple mouse that has the extra sensitive side buttons that keeps acting as the right click on everything It's so frustrating!

Also, I'm too ambitious with my goals, but suck at execution. I don't have enough motion graphics experience. I don't even watch TV. Banner ads are on my list of things I ignore without thinking about. I know I'm supposed to be in school to learn, but I much prefer when I feel like I'm in my element.

So, back to my project.

Eh, fuck it. I'll figure it out, and hopefully it will be worth sharing. I'll share something new and exciting soonish.

racism is too real to me right now.
i want to write an essay about it, but i'm scared to touch it.



for now, i would like to share this with you.

every great song has been written already.
i don't know why i bother trying.

gearing up for school
looking to take a sewing class so i can be more efficient when i try to make bags, wallets, skirts... what have you.
missing richard, but he returns in eleven days.
villainy has fleas and i have to wait 8 days to give her another dose of her flea medication. i think i want to give her a bath today?
i need to meet up with neel from peekok.com and finalize the logo!
i need to finalize mock ups with yaritza, so i can have that done before school gets crazy.

new music projects are going smoothely. and get this: i am singing. WEIRD! I don't know if I can follow through with it. heh.

topics:
love
marriage
the inability to get anything done that i have started
my mother being the controlling force
my mother being the victim
very rapidly changing ourselves (me, you, us) to fit more comfortably in
growing up (my ten year old self, my twenty two year old self)
failure
waste

imagery:
cigarette smoke
fog
smog
murky water
orange lights
sunsets
plucked eyelashes (coated in mascara and liquid eyeliner)
dog hair

Right now it's some (not all) of the books I made in Book Arts.

a new dress
a new purse
deathreat "runs dry" 7 inch
rites of spring "all through life" 7 inch
q and not u "2 songs" 7 inch
q and not u "on play patterns" 7 inch
the assistant "bubblegum cigars" 7 inch
knob frog lights for my bike
kyrptonite cable for my ulock

yeah... i need to stop spending money.